broken

I can’t describe the pain of a heartbreak. I can’t describe how it feels to be told that it isn’t you, it’s just the way it is. I can’t describe the way it hurts when I hear a baby laugh, or a mother cry because her child is so beautiful, or has taken it’s first something. I can’t describe the way that my heart splinters into a million pieces when I see couples together, or happy pregnant women, or the way that weddings make my body hurt so much I run out as soon as the ceremony is over. I can’t tell you how much happy families pain me. I have lived through one, I love them so much. They are my foundations. But they are behind me, they are the family that built me. I cannot build my own. I know that there is hope for me in this world. Someday, someone might love me. Someday, I may bare a child myself. But for now, in my hopeless hours, I can feel the world crumble. There is a darkness in my chest that is eating my bones, my muscles; taking the air from my lungs. I can tell you why I may be upset over lovely things, but I cannot tell you why my heart breaks so painfully. I wish I knew myself, for there is hope for me yet, but my heart has yet to believe.

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